Question: Does life really get in the way?
Not too long ago I had a guest on my podcast. She and I had met at a conference and had all of these dreams for our businesses and our futures.
We talked on the show and I asked her what she had been up to and she had made some traction and I had seen her online doing her best, but she told me that “life had gotten in the way”.
I immediately called bullshit on the show and later I felt kinda bad about it… I remember listening to it back and cringing a bit.
Was I too harsh?
Did I go too far?
But then I realized that I truly believed that we have to take ownership of shit in our lives SO MUCH that the phrase “life got in the way” is merely an excuse.
I realize to some, it may simply be a phrase that someone might use in an attempt to not go into deep detail on where they fucked up or dropped the ball in life- but for others, it truly is an excuse and a way to place blame on something or someone else.
It’s so easy to say “Oh, he’s just a puppy. He’s still learning” when your 4-month-old dog is peeing all over your carpet instead of having some self-control and discipline and making sure he’s on a strict indoor/outdoor/crate schedule.
It’s so easy to say “My boss is horrible and I really think he/she is racist/homophobic/sexist” instead of owning your career and finding a job and a management team who doesn’t ruin your everyday life.
It’s so easy to say “Omg, stress is totally killing my skin right now, omg” instead of hydrating, finding the right soap and properly managing your stress levels.
It’s so easy to say “Girl, I’m so sorry I’m late- traffic was a b” instead of dealing with your time management problems and starting to learn who to better respect other people’s time.
It’s so easy to place blame and excuse ourselves, it really is.
I will tell you that I am the procrastination and excuse QUEEN.
Although that isn’t something to be proud of, it does gift me with the fact that I can call a spade a spade.
I know when something is an excuse and when it’s not- this is kind of what made me so good at coming up with excuses as a kid.
I get it- no one wants to be blamed for shit and most importantly- no one wants to look bad in the eyes of other people, especially those they love, respect and care about.
The feeling of not being good enough or continually failing and flailing in life is something that many people struggle with.
We’re already hard on ourselves day in and day out- we rarely need or want a third party to come in and help us make ourselves feel even worse about our behavior/actions/inactions.
Here are some ways to NOT let life get in the way:
1. Own your shit.
Every time, regardless of the situation. It’s your life, it’s your issue to navigate, and that includes figuring out what’s yours to own and what isn’t. Please note: I am not saying every single issue in your life is your fault or yours to own- I’m just saying it’s your job to navigate life accordingly and to navigate it as a mature, discerning adult.
2. Do not play the blame game.
Don’t blame the weather, your spouse/boo, your Mom, your poor upbringing, your neighbor’s dog, your shitty boss, that bad driver. Tbh, no one wants to hear it and even if you do come up with a good/cool or funny story, it may backfire and the way people see you will shift if this becomes a pattern. See tip #1
3. Always remember that YOU are in control of YOU, your reactions and the direction your life goes.
Please do not forget this because if you do, you will lose control, start playing the blame game or excusing yourself out of owning your life and doing what you need to do to move forward. What do you do when it starts to rain outside? Well, since you checked the weather the night before- you wear the rainboots by the door and bring your umbrella. You can’t control the weather, but you can control how you deal with it and more importantly your attitude about it. Have some faith in yourself, you CAN handle this.
4. Chill tf out & take it easy.
Most of the things we stress about are usually not worth the drama or crazy. Pick and choose your battles and let go of things that you cannot or don’t need to deal with right now. I’m not saying backburner your problems, Please note: I am not saying backburner the bullshit and deal with your problems at your leisure, I’m saying let go of what clearly is not working and isn’t worth your time and effort so you can calmly and fully focus on what is. Always ask yourself if this is really worth getting your Savage x Fenty panties in a bunch.
5. Strategize & Plan.
This is the best way to get through and over issues that come up. Have a plan and always be ready to fight/strategize/problem solve your way out of whatever tries to knock you down. If you do this, even when it’s hard or you don’t feel like it or the weight seems too heavy, you WILL become resilient, more resourceful and out on the other side having learned something valuable. It’s not easy to do this, but it is worth it, so if give it your best shot and act like your life and future depends on it, because a lot of time it might.
These tips are things you can look to whenever a problem or issue arises that you aren’t sure you can handle or that you maybe don’t want to handle.
That’s just the shitty part about adulthood- you have to own your shit and take control of your life, even if it means leaving the excuses and drama behind.
Ask me if I wanted to give up my beloved excuses: HELL NO.
Ask me if I wanted to stop blaming EVERYTHING on ANYTHING I could come up with: NOPE.
Now ask me if I wanted to start hitting my goals and stop feeling like a cop-out: ABSOFUCKINLUTELY.
Life is full of choices- you’ve just gotta make the ones that are in alignment with whatever it is you want.
If you’re ready to start saying YES to your life instead of “maybe later” or “yeah, but”, hit me up.
I’ve got some huge information to share, but you have to be ready, willing, able and OPEN.
You know where to find me: email@example.com.
PS- share this with the last and the next person who said that “life got in the way”.