Urban Dictionary says that a Fair-Weather friend is: A friend who is only a friend when circumstances are pleasant or profitable. At the first sign of trouble, these capricious, disloyal friends will drop their relationship with you.
Here are 5 ways to spot a fair-weather friend:
1. They actively avoid conflict or drama– even at the expense of lending an ear or a shoulder for their friend to cry on. They avoid it like the plague. Let’s say you post a FB status about some shit that’s going on at work and later on you call them and get no answer or response. When you see them or talk to them later, they pretend like they didn’t know you were going through some stuff or give a random excuse about their whereabouts. Either way, they avoid things that aren’t about them, super happy or both and cannot be find in any sort of time of need.
2. If it’s not directly affecting them, they immediately question relevance. Translation: They’re selfish and if the conversation is not revolving around them or their benefit (or some juicy gossip), they really aren’t interested in hearing anything. “Not my problem” is the low-key motto.
3. They’re an attention whore. Yup, I said it. They want the spotlight and they want the attention and they do not wish to share this with others. Someone is taking about their experiences and they immediately redirect the conversation back to themselves. A lot of us do this when we try to relate to others, but it ends up redirecting the focus on us and not on those speaking. The attention whore cares less and does the most in the worst way.
4. They don’t listen. In one ear, out another. They are texting/driving/cleaning/multi-tasking while people are talking + they block out anything not revolved around them or super exciting or fun. They love talking about themselves, listening to themselves, and focusing on themselves. It’s their world and we’re just living in it and their voice needs to be the loudest and the most prioritized. Obvi.
5. They don’t have your back. When shit really does hit the fan, they don’t go to bat for you. You don’t feel like behind your back they’re on your side and when you really need them, they don’t come through. Plain and simple: they’re unreliable as hell.
We’ve all been guilty of doing things we weren’t proud of and we’ve all failed friends from time to time. I think the important part here is to make sure that you are not in face the fair-weathered friend and you can use this post as a way to re-calibrate and remind yourself of how NOT to show up (as well as what to look for in people).
A lot of us are very forgiving and assume the best in people, but we have to make sure that we are really paying attention to what people are showing us in their actions vs what they’re saying with their words.
Now the question is: Whitney, I have a fair-weather friend but I’ve known then forever, or we’ve been through alot together- what do I do? My answer is to follow your gut and use your best judgement. If it feels like the friendship is providing little to no value to either of your (or to only ONE of you), then it’s time to go back to the drawing board.
If it feels like you’re just dumping into a bottomless pit, and you find yourself deflated, depleted and disappointed, it might be time to move on.
We all go through rough patches and we all have to grow interpersonally as well as socially. The choice that you have to make is around value, growth and kindness.
You should already know what you value from your relationships and friendships with people. Use this to gauge whether things are working out in a current situation and then remain firm in your decision.
Sometimes falling back is the best bet. Sometimes working things out is the better idea. Choose a route and be flexible. Just stay true to you and stay away from fair-weathered friends.
You’ve got this!